Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
