I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
