real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
