i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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