you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
