So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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