hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
