I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
