you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
