I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
