so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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