Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize