I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
