Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is Oprah even human
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
