I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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