she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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