I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
