She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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