MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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