Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
