I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Im part way to drunk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
