I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
ttyl tear gas
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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