I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
