u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
