Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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