community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
