im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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