He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
