she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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