yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
