I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Less talking, more tequila
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
