I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
