Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
