i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize