Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
