Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
