this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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