She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
