I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
