enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
