Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
