FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
