i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You made out with two different species that night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
