you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It's Friday. Sex?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize