she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
