Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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