How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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