You work out of a Hotel?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
