so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
