the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
