I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
