they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize