And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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