this boner is exhausting
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
