I didn't shave. On purpose
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
