dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
