Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize