The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize