There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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