why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
