Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize