i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
