dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
