Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
