the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
