if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
