Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Randomize
