Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
