I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
