lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Someone stole a lamp last night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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