My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
