seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
