My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
