in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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