True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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