I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
