Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
