Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
