I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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