I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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