have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
someone owes me an orgasm
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
