turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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